Lonesome

Have you ever been so lonely, that you settled for someone who couldn’t fulfill your emotional and mental well being? Often times, it feels like losing someone close and dear to us. The feeling is unbearable. It makes you wanna go out to search and find someone to fulfill your emptiness. It’s not that they don’t love you. They just don’t comprehend “how” to love you. When all you want is support during trying times. Or a shoulder to cry on. Or an ear to listen. Or a warm hug. Or the right words of wisdom and encouragement for comfort and peace. Not only is there a voided emptiness there. But there’s also a heaviness in your chest that just won’t go away. No matter how many times you’ve  counted to ten, or meditated, or did yoga. That feeling just won’t go away. Not necessarily to “want” someone who understands you, but to “need” someone who knows exactly where it hurts. The empty feeling is like a sharp pain in your heart. That keeps throbbing every other minute. And eventually, you become numb all over. Not only physically, but emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. And soon you’ll become a walking zombie. Living with depression. And anxiety that takes control over your life. To the point where you can’t sleep at night, or care for your children properly, or even think clearly. Your mind becomes cloudy. Your vision becomes blurry. Your appetite has either picked up drastically, or is completely gone. And your weight is up or down. You feel as if you’re gonna die at any given moment. You’re too weak to pray. Sometimes that weakness and emptiness makes you wanna abjure everything in the moment of darkness. Things like your hopes, dreams, the desires of your heart, your hopes to find true love again, and your relationships that aren’t quite working out. Whether it be, friends, family, significant others, coworkers, etc. But is this feeling even possible if all things work together for the good of those who love the Lord? Maybe it’s because God needed you lonely and isolated to seek him. To seek love from him. To seek comfort from him. To seek counsel from him. To seek truth from him. To seek wisdom from him. To seek Glory from him. God always knows what’s best for us. Even when we don’t see it. Even when it’s total darkness in the tunnel. You have to put your faith in God and believe that there’s light at the end of the tunnel. If God closes the doors of hurt, pain, loneliness, and neglectfulness; He’s doing so with the purpose of us not looking back to walk through it. Instead he wants us to trust that he has a better door for us to open. We just have to learn to step out on faith and fight the good fight no matter how weak or hurt we are. We’re gonna endure cuts, scrapes and bruises along the way. God never said the weapons wouldn’t form. But he promised they wouldn’t prosper. There should be a constant reminder in our minds that ” Thou he slay me; Yet shall I trust in him”. There’s gonna be hurdles for us to jump. He didn’t say the road would be easy. But we will get to our destination that is aligned with his will for our lives if we trust him wholeheartedly. Naturally, it’s hard for us to believe a thing without seeing it. But that’s the process of building a relationship with our father. Being lonely isn’t so bad. Not only does it build your foundation and relationship with the Lord. But it also reveals things about ourselves that we never knew before. We begin to know who we are. We gain a special type of wisdom that only teaches through experience. We must learn a certain lesson that only comes from above in order to be prepared for the next level of our journey. And until we pass the test after the lesson, we’ll keep repeating the course until we have it. God cant take us to the next level until he knows that we’re fully equipped with all the tools we need. So instead of being down and depressed about someone not loving us the way we desire, we have to start loving ourselves the way we desire. We have to learn to enjoy our own company and embrace the present moment. Instead of being down and negative looking for someone to make you happy, go out and try things you never experienced. Go skating, write the poems or the book, sing the songs, learn to dance, go rock climbing, go fishing, take a walk in the park and meditate. Listen to nature, the birds singing and the winds blowing. Go bowling. Have a picnic in the park with your children. Go to a museum or the city zoo. Go horseback riding, go race car driving. Go to a baseball game. Volunteer at the children’s hospital. Speak at the prisons to encourage someone. Buy the homeless lunch. Do at least one good deed everyday of your life. Tell the lady in Walmart she’s beautiful or you like her shoes. Let the person behind you at the grocery store who has 3 items to go ahead of you when your basket is full. Doing good positive things takes your mind off the negatives. And in doing so, not only do we become better mentally and spiritually. But doing good deeds makes us humble. It reminds us that our situation could be a lot worse. It gives us a sense of gratefulness and gratitude that we didn’t have before. So the next time you feel down about a situation, I urge you to look to the hills from whence our help cometh. Loneliness is an emotion. It was never meant for us to build our homes and live there.

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